Has anyone written a screenplay before? It's hard! And I just started mine two weeks ago. I want it completed by Saturday and polished in another week.

Why? I'm entering it in the abc fellowship writing program. Yikes! I've never done something soooooo BIG before. And told people before it was done. Now I'm accountable - can't just brush it off with no one the wiser. I've been telling everyone! Part of the "new" me - going forth boldly; ignoring the critics. Scary steps, you know?

Anyway, I'm about 15 pages in of 40 or so. I've been doing so-so on sticking to a schedule. Monday it was supposed to be 4 pages a night, now I'm up to 5. Sunday is correction/re-write day and the whole of next week is fine tuning. I want to mail this out on the 9th. It's due (postmarked) on the 16th. I WILL make this!

Gossip - I just heard that Britney Spears may be pregnant and that's why she's planning a November wedding. That is one fertile dude she's nabbed herself! He's got two buns in two different ovens? Is it bad of me to think that when she finally does completely flip her lid it's gonna be fun to watch? :twisted: I mean she's going to go all Anne Heche in the desert nuts. Just goes to show you, you can have all the money in the world and still be wacky and unhappy.

[i]There are two great moments in your life: The day you were born and the day you discover [b]why[/b] you were born.[/i]

I first heard that quote spoken by Pastor Kirbyjon Caldwell of Texas two years ago. It's been bouncing around in my mind the last couple of days and I think it's why I feel so unsettled with my life. I've let so many things slide - my health and weight, some of my relationships, my joy....all for some reason I can't quite put my finger on.

And so yesterday, as I was moping in bed it occured to me that once you know why you were born, to do anything contrary to that is a drain and a source of unhappiness.

I am 100% certain I was born to create. Create art, stories, friendships.... That is when I feel the most alive. That is when I feel most connected to the universe, to God, to others, to myself. And yet for 10 hours of my day I create nothing. I sit at a desk and crunch numbers and take phone calls and recreate exactly what I did the year before. I am living a lie.

And the sad thing is that this is the norm. From childhood most of us are told to be practical and put our dreams aside. We can't all be ballerinas and cowboys and so we grow up to be actuaries and accountants. Yet we still have that ballerina spirit, that cowboy adventure locked up in a small space of our hearts. We pacify it in small ways, attending concerts, watching sports, and convince ourselves that we are happy, that we are fulfilled. That we aren't living half a life. An existence.

And then we end up at age 60, retired without an inkling of what to do next. Or worse, that we've missed the boat and we can't go back and reclaim our lost dreams.

We let the fear of failure hold us back. We let the negative voices in our heads win. We let our own dreams be snuffed out by practicality. But it's not failure if we are doing what we are meant to do! I don't have to be principal dancer at the New York Ballet to be a ballerina! I just have to take classes! I don't have to have a ranch to be a cowboy! I can teach horseback riding or take a vacation to a ranch!

If I'm doing something purely for the love of doing it, because it was what I was meant to do, my level of success at it doesn't matter! And ironically, my passion for what I'm doing directly affects my success!

So today, June 28, 2004, I tell that negative voice in my head to shut the Hell up! I'm taking back my life and I'm not going to allow my complaints or my whining to guide me anymore. No more taking the easy comfortable carousel ride - I've got my e-tickets and I'm headed for the coaster, baby!

[b]Invictus[/b]
Out of the night that covers me
Black as the Pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods maybe
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate
How charged with punishment the scroll
I am the Master of my fate
I am the Captain of my soul.

-- William Earnest Henley

So, my friend and I are playing what's a pirates favorite (blank)? and having ourselves a good old time laughing it up when we start getting the looks and the sighs from the people at the next table over. My thing is if you want a nice quiet meal, go to a nice quiet restaurant, not a loud and crazy diner where the wait staff regularly breaks into song and/or dance and every teen queen this side of the Ole Miss wants to have her birthday party - but I'm funny that way. So we're getting the passive-agressive treatment from the miserable couple sitting next to us and it's making us laugh even harder. And then my friend says... oh wait, I guess I'd better 'splain first. What's a Pirates Favorite is just that.
"Hey, what's a pirates favorite movie?"
"I dunno, what?"
"Raiders of the Lost Arrrrrgh!"
"Hey, who's a pirates favorite singer?"
"I dunno, who?"
"Arrrrrgh Kelly!"
As you can see the possibilities are endless. And, well, once you've had a couple of drinks, maybe it will seem funny to you. But to us it's always funny. 'Specially over voice mail. What's a pirates favorite comic book? Arrrrrrchie!
Anyway, so my friend says " What's a pirates favorite cocktail?" I say, "I dunno, what?" She says, "appletini."
And we both just busted up. But so does the guy in the booth behind us. His girlfriend is pissed, says she's ready to go and gets up and leaves. He gives us a sort of cockeyed smile and follows.

Poor fella. Whipped by a joy-sucker before he's thirty. I can think of no worse a fate.

I found my fifth grade class picture today. 1974 - looks like A Very Brady Grade School. What amazed me is that I remembered most of the kids' names! This one girl, I remembered her name was Amy the minute I saw her, but I don't remember one other darned thing about her. In my fifth grade handwriting, I had written "brat" next to her name!

I wonder what happened to those kids? I know one of them is some kind of mortgage banker. And that Robin studied acting in college. Thirty years? Did we have imagination for what we would be doing thirty years out of elementary school?

I know I thought I would be living the life of The Jetsons. Have me a robot maid, take vacation trips to Jupiter, have a job I could do by pushing a button and napping and have one of them cool flyin' cars that I could pull right up to the window of my highrise home. At the very least we should have a flying car by now. Advances in modern medicine you say? Advances, shmavances I say! I want a friggin flyin car!

=http://img47.photobucket.com/...
Jetson out!

Okay, so I had a bit of an epiphany the other night. I was gorging on this cherry coffee cake whilst eating lemon cookies and wondering what I was going to have for dinner when a voice came to me and said, "throw it away!" Even more astounding is that I did it. Good bye!

I woke up with such a migraine the next day I couldn't get out of bed until after 1:00. I mean I hadn't had a migraine that bad since....oh about 1992. I remember that one cuz I was at work and ended up on the floor in the bathroom with the lights out and moaning. So anyway, I was in bed and moaning, not for any good reason either, and thinking I've got to treat myself better. And it's gonna take a major committment on my part.

So I am back on Fitday and I have plans to make it stick this time. I like fitday because it helps me keep track of how I'm eating and how I'm using my calories. I just sort of stopped when I stopped exercising - but even though I can't really exercise right now, that doesn't give me a license to go all hog wild.

I guess that's part of the problem. I've always been able to lose weight with exercise and not have to monitor too closely what I eat. Now I get the chance to fix that problem and I have to look at it positively. So I am.

On another note, my sugar-induced semi-coma produced an interesting dream. Julie Andrews was critiquing my screenplay (I am writing one - but mum's the word, 'kay?) and she really liked it. And she was telling all the other people who submitted that theirs wasn't as good as mine. She just couldn't tell me enough how much she liked my dialogue. And how much she liked me now that we had finally met. In fact, Julie and I were so simpatico that we communicated telepathically.

Found a photo of my old college days. I had a theatrical makeup class that had us transforming ourselves once a week. I don't remember what this assignment was, I do however remember that I copied Daryl Hannah's makeup from Clan of The Cave Bear. I believe I got an A.

Now I'm wondering why her makeup was white. I mean, I sort of remember the story - she was the first of the clan to walk erect and they all thought that was bizarre and...did they kick her out of the tribe? I don't remember. But she wanders around until she finds another tribe of homo erectus thus ensuring the survival of the fittest. Of course how's a girl painted stark white gonna blend in with the surroundings. She would be kind of a walking billboard for any sort of predator....
Anyway, enjoy the photo of yours truly.

=http://img47.photobucket.com/...

I thought the quiz was lame until it came up with the results I wanted :-)


Faerie:
Faeries are sweet loving beings who love to help
people. They are not held back by reality and
love to dream and fly around. You probably are
very creative and although not the most popular
person in the world you are probably loved by
many for your sweet caring personality.


What Mythological Creature Are You (Many Results and Beautiful Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

I got tired of the old color scheme and had to change it today. I still have to update the links and I think I'm getting rid of the calendar. I like the calendar itself, but I don't like the links below. Tell me what you think!

I separated out the links on the left. My goal was to have a table of blog links and a table of other links just below it that I could one day categorize into something that made sense. Well, no matter what I did HTML-wise, I could not get the latter links to the top. Oy! Must be a tblog Pro feature, huh?

I'm excited about seeing Movin' Out on Friday. I love Twyla Tharp's choreograhy - think she's our modern day Martha Graham.

It's gonna be a busy week though - only tonight and tomorrow to take it easy. And I need to, since I've got some sort of funky allergy thing happening. Can you get a fever with an allergy attack? The Dr says it's because of all the fires last year - that they're seeing an increased number of respiratory ailments - and I'm just one of many!

It's an attractive sight - the minute I go outside my eyes start running, my nose gets all stuffed up and I start coughing. Just call me Miss America!

My milkshake's gotta bring boys to the yard. I gotta shake it fast and show you what you're working with. I gotta shake my tailfeather, move it all around. I even have to shake it like a Polaroid picture! Shake it like this, shake it like that, shake it up, shake it
down.....
I'm 40 years old! I'm tired of shakin' it! I've shook, shook, shook my booty for over 2 decades! When can I just let it settle?

Saw a play last night - [b]The Intelligent Design of Jenny Chow[/b]. It was very good! I've been so lucky lately getting free tickets to the theater. In fact, I've been to the theater more times than the movies this year. Well, considering I see maybe 1 movie a year, I guess that's not hard to do, but this year I've seen four movies :shock: :D

Anyway, the play was about an adopted Asian girl with OCD and agoraphobia. She's a genius, proving aspects of robotic theory for her science fair project, but she can't leave the house. Online she finds her birth mother in Korea and builds a robot to send to Korea so she can meet her mother. It sounds far-fetched and borderline goofy, but it really is well done.

Well, I gotta get going - there's a party at work today and it's not going to happen without me....

Here's a site you need to visit for a laugh! Bad, bad Baby Names

I really try not to talk about anything political here because those issues tend not to run to the forefront of my mind.

But the gay marriage thing has been sitting on my brain lately, and, as you know by now, when something is in my head, the only way I can exorcise it is to write about it. So I apologize that this is long and kinda "preachy."

As a Christian woman I'm supposed to be against gay marriage. According to some "experts" allowing gay marriage will break down society as we know it and turn the country into one big rainbow-flag waving, pride parade. Businesses will fail having to provide benefits to same-sex couples, heterosexuals will become a minority and there will be 2 mommies for every Heather.

Whatever.

Our President vows to uphold the sanctity of marriage. Sanctity meaning holiness, godliness; a sacred thing (I know cuz I looked it up in Webster's). A lofty goal, that. But sanctity is not bestowed on a marriage merely because it is heterosexual. Sanctity comes from being in God's will. However, in modern terms, Britney Spears' 10 minute marriage to Whatshisbucket is sanctified and my friend Tom's Hawaiian wedding to his partner for .... yikes .... 15 years! is not.

If you're going to "uphold the sanctity of marriage" you can't pick and choose which marriages to uphold - you have to go for it all. No more prenups, marriages of convenience, "starter" marriages, and no second marriages, open marriages and divorce would have to be approved by the church... and there would have to be a punishment for each infraction.

Pre-marital sex? Sorry, you gotta do time for that. It's against the sanctity of marriage. So what if it's against popular opinion - when you claim God's law as truth, then that's what it is - Truth. The whole truth. Nothing but.

We cling to a political agenda because it is safe. Was Jesus liberal or conservative? Let's see.... He went to a days long wedding feast and gave them them what? A stern lecture on revelry? Strong coffee? Uh, no - He gave them more wine. Who were his friends? Political movers and shakers? Influential bouregois with money to burn? Hmm, there was a tax collector. Couple of common fisherman. Some women (gasp!) of questionable history, thieves. Judas Iscariot was a known thief. Guess which job Christ gave him? He was in charge of all the money! Yeah, Mr Lay? Got this great job for you....Secretary of the Treasury! Jesus wasn't liberal or conservative - He was a radical and a servant. Our political crutches separate us from God's people - just like the Sanhedrin was separated from the miracle of the Messiah. You can't see the miracle when you're mired in the law.

The Barna Group did a study that showed divorce among born-again Christians and non-Christians is equal. Around 1/3 of all marriages end in divorce. So I guess that means that 1/3 of the people who are against gay marriage because it villifies the word of God cannot see the boards in their own eyes.

I do want to say that I believe that homosexuality is a sin - I can't read the Bible and be convinced otherwise, although I would probably like to because, in my life, the gay people I've known have had more stable relationships than the straight people. However, I believe that we are so much in the habit of [u]ranking[/u] sin that we look at homosexuality as one of the biggies. Right next to murder. But the Canaanites were cursed to servanthood by Noah when Ham looked at his naked father when he was passed out drunk. Seems a small offense, doesn't it? I mean, especially when compared to King David's adultery with Bathsheba and the murder of her husband Uriah. Sin is sin - God does not have a ranking system. How can I, an expert sinner, cast stones at my brothers and sisters?

Why is it that we can look the other way at the sin of adultery (relationship outside of one [u]sanctioned[/u] by God - meaning not just marriage, but worshiping false idols) and fornication (sex without marriage) but point the finger of wrong toward homosexuality? They're exactly the same sin.

One of my friends says it's because the gay community revels in their sin. Obviously they've never seen me pass a car on the freeway...(see ya suckers!) or do the dance of joy when I buy yet another pair of shoes I don't need (Speaking of which, I haven't bought a pair of shoes since February....no wonder I've been twitchy lately.... :roll:)Ooh, and that tithe? Yeah, I'm right on with that.....(another helping of pride, greed and gluttony, anyone?:twisted:) What about people who brag about their sexual exploits or drinking habits? They're revelling in their sins, too.

Frankly, I don't have the time or energy to run around pointing out the sins of others - I've so many of my own to contend with (unless, of course, you're wearing white after Labor Day...). Which is not to say that I cannot lovingly correct my brother or sister, but I do have to consider if I'm doing so at the expense of the Holy Spirit.

Jesus called the Holy Spirit a counselor, a helper - so how can I condemn someone when they do not have that spiritual help? And if the Spirit is workin' what right do I have to butt in and rearrange stuff? If you choose to reject God, that can't dampen my love for you. If you don't want to accept God I'm not going to push Him at you like an ugly date - but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop praying for you. What I say to God is my own business - and how He chooses to work in your life is His.

If I had a five carat diamond ring, I wouldn't just haul it at you from across a soccer field and expect you to catch it. No, I'd want to place it in your hand, making certain you knew how valuable it was, close your fingers around it and convey that it was [i]only[/i] love prompting me to give you something so precious.

There are a lot of sins I'm not going to overcome before I get to Heaven. Yet, if I'm going there, I don't think I'll have the right to be surprised to see some gay people there as well. Heck, they'll probably be surprised to see me! :shock:

The ONLY thing that matters is faith expressing itself THROUGH L-O-V-E. My job is to love God's children and let Him do the work of the Master Gardener on their hearts and minds. And that loving thing is a full-time job - when I'm doing it right, I don't have time for judgment and namecalling.

Good gosh! I'm spent! :oops:

It's official - I'm a California girl through and through. No more New Yorker left in me except for my inability to wear white after Labor Day.

Just had quite the shaker. I mean like the whole building moved like we were under attack. What'd I do? Thought someone was working on the roof and continued making my tea....

So here's the thing. I hate my job. It is so boring and even worse than that, it's disorganized. We went from being a quite jovial group to being a bunch of drones. It's sad really that such an interesting bunch of people have been put down to the point where we don't want to spend one minute more than we have to in each other's presence.

The people here hate each other. Some won't socialize with others. Some will just talk about others behind their backs. As for myself, I find it hard to work with someone I respect so little. Seeing the blatant favoritism that runs rampant around here, regardless of the ability to do the work, is demoralizing.

Of course I know that something better is just down the pike. I just have to learn to function here in this reality for a little while longer. But it's hard when you know in your heart of hearts that this is not your destiny. It's hard to be patient when Christmas is just around the corner.

So, I just need to relax and do my job to the best of my abilities and try not to bet caught up in the backbiting. It's hard though. When my friends are so blatantly wronged, I want to fight for them. I dislike having to smile and jump to do the bidding of someone so....diabolical and underhanded. Why isn't justice immediate?

I put my blog up for the featured blog thingy. I don't know why. I guess I still have that junior high need to feel popular.... And what do I do with all my tbucks, anyway? I got my header. Everything else moves and makes me dizzy. I suppose I could give them away....I could have a contest or something....hmmmm...an idea is forming.......

Rock the Vote!

Dear Men,

Today it was made clear to me that I should be using this forum as a springboard to effect change for a better society. If I bring about just one convert, the world will be a better place. Children will be happier, work productivity will increase and make for better communications with friends, family and the public.

[i]Spring for the "good" toupee. If your hair is grey and you are buying a toupee as opposed to a wig (which covers the whole head) DO NOT buy jet black. Black hair on top of grey sideburns does NOT make you look like a younger man, it makes you look like an older man who doesn't have a mirror. Besides the dark color emphasizes your age because it is against a paler, thinner skin - so every nook and cranny on your face now has a dramatic negative contrast in your new found crown. Also, the combination of black hair/white eyebrows is a wee bit comical - probably not the effect you were going for.[/i]

If you are of an age where the above is not yet applicable to you, please print it out and keep it in your wallet.

Word to the wise:

If your parents are over...let's say 50....and have a computer and are not very computer savvy, do yourself a favor now and the next time you're over there download a popup blocker and Ad-aware for them. It will save you time in the long run. Also set up their system to automatically defrag once a month or so.

My Mom has been saying yes to all the popups that ask if she wants to block future popups. Her computer was loaded with spyware! All of the other seniors she's been asking for advice didn't seem to have a solution to why her system had slowed down so much.

S'better now! Gotta run - afternoon with the relatives!

Got a piece of spam today:

"Get your C1Al1s cheap!! King no Badminton"

The thing that gets me is badminton is spelled correctly! Que?

Anyway, I'm home for the weekend and it's hotter and drier than...whatever is really hot and dry. I've met my new "brother" the Schnauzer." He's cute but you know who he reminds me of? That dog in the Far Side comic...

"Guess what! I'm going to the vet to get tutored!!!"

Anyway, not much of interest today - got a good 8 hours of sleep finally. No waking up at midnight or 2 am! Yay!

As I previously mentioned I have a lot of father issues and I was planning to write them out on Father's Day next week. However, since it's been occupying a lot of real estate in my mind lately, I'm thinking the issues may take a while to exorcise completely.

Today, for some reason, I was wondering how my self-awareness has been shaped by my father and our "relationship". How my self-worth has affected me both negatively and postively. Let's look into that, shall we?

A little back story. The first 7 years of my life were spent as the quintessential Daddy's girl. While I remember having issues with my mom early on, I don't remember too many with my dad. I suppose that is typical with little girls: mothers are the disciplinarians and fathers are the heroes. One of my earliest memories I have of my father and our relationship was telling him, when I was about 4, that I couldn't wait to get older so I could marry him.

Anyway, my parents divorced and I don't remember it as traumatic. I didn't act out in school, I didn't sulk. My opinion on that is, because I was such a well-adjusted kid, I didn't think anything could separate me from my father. That feeling played a part in my future decisions as well.

Dad moved to the Bronx and I saw him once a week. Because he worked night shift, this was a minor change for me. When he came to see me or I went to see him, we would go out to dinner or to some event, a movie or a play or something. Both my parents got along very well and I don't remember any conflict until a few years later.

My father was living with his uncle and cousin in a house rent free. He'd had the same job for over 10 years at that point. His child support payments were, and I kid you not, $70 a month. I remember seeing the envelopes addressed to my mother when I got the mail in his uniform block print. The checks started to be less frequent. We had to cut back and I know my mother said many times that I couldn't do something because my father hadn't sent us money.

When I was 10 my mother asked if I'd like to move to southern California and I was adamant - no way! However, after I returned from summer camp I told her I thought we'd should give it a try. That was in August and by November we were here. Again, I thought distance wasn't enough to separate me from my father. Even though I'd noticed he was more distant - he seemed to not have anything to say to me, when he picked me up for the weekend he never had anything planned, his gifts were not age appropriate, he cancelled a lot of the time and just seemed to be pulling away - perhaps because I was entering adolesence and he couldn't deal or maybe it was to get back at my mother....I don't know. What I do know is that I didn't recognize the signs and still thought I was Daddy's Little Girl.

So we move to California and the child support almost completely stops. He accuses my mother of taking me far away from him on purpose. She has to go through the courts to get child support. He makes several promises to see me but only comes twice.

Since I was 12 years old I've seen my father about 6 times and not in the last 25 years. I last saw him in NY when I was 15. I was there the entire summer - he called me twice and saw me once.

When I went off to college he was very good about supporting me financially. In fact, the only time I heard from him when was when he sent me money. He told my mother that I only contacted him when I wanted money (which was not true, I wrote him a letter at least once a month.) and I knew I would only hear from him when he sent money. It was a weird cycle.

Meanwhile, he marries 2 or 3 more times and has a son. He calls me about 2 times a year and moves without leaving me an address or phone number.

3 years ago he ups and disappears. Left his business, his apartment without a trace (who gives up real estate in NYC?). I hadn't talked to him for a couple of years at that point even though he's always been regular about talking to my mother. My mother starts to get concerned and digs up his SSN to get the police to search for him. Turns up nothing.

A few of months ago he calls her and then me. Seems he left everything when he got stressed from work and ended up homeless on the street for a few months. He's living in some sort of halfway house or something. He sounded good - jovial even. Maintained a good relationship with his son even though he was living on the streets. I was surprised that I could talk to him with no animosity, but I'd done a lot of work to get to that point. More about that another day.

So how does this dysfunctional relationship work for me today? He sent me $500 in March as a gift and it was such a blessing to me I knew that he was trying to make up for not being there for me. But then I realized that I sometimes expect men to give me [i]things[/i] rather than time and attention. A journal entry from when I was about 16 or so says that I would rather have known that he went to the store and picked out a gift that he thought I would like rather than send me cash. Even if it was something dorky or a simple little card I wouldn't care, because at least it showed that he thought of me the person, his daughter.

So when he calls this last time and apologizes for dropping out of my life and promises that he's going to be different this time, I thought to myself he's not going to be different and that's okay. I've long since accepted his limitations and have thrived in spite of them. He is what he is, not what I want him to be. That's fine. So the positive out of that is that I'm very accepting of others. The negative is I somehow take it personally when someone doesn't live up to their potential.

I've not been in a relationship in a long time. Part of that being because I knew I needed to get past this so I could be with someone and not expect them to leave me physically or emotionally. I understand that not all men leave, but I still find myself pulling away from men who appear interested in me. I find myself getting closer to the ones who are unattainable - my friends' husbands, gay men, men online, etc.

I know I have to be vulnerable, but the old instincts are hard to ignore - they're intrinsic; part of who I am. Is it because I somehow feel that I am not enough to hold someone's interest and love? Yeah, that's part of it. Do I think I was somehow responsible for my parents' divorce? Not at all, I don't think I've ever felt that way even though I know that is a normal response for children in that situation. Do I fear the unknown? Definitely, but I also love not knowing what's going to happen next.

Where does that leave me? Well, I'm going to be 40 years old and the last relationship I had was with a man who lied and said he wasn't married. I'm an extraordinary people pleaser, who, while it doesn't matter if I'm liked, really wants to make everyone happy at least for a moment. I'm more comfortable with giving rather than taking. I[b] hate[/b] asking for help of any kind. I don't get nearly as upset when I'm mistreated as when others are. I love figuring out what makes people tick, probably because I think it gives me a better understanding of why they do the things they do. I'm wildly attracted to men with strong family relationships. I'm no longer bitter, but sometimes I do see a father and daughter together and it makes me cry for what I missed. And it definitely makes it difficult to have a relationship with God, my heavenly Father, when my biological one can't be bothered. But if I didn't believe in God I don't think I would have ever worked through these issues.....

I wish I could be at the place where I had confidence in my relationships with men, single men.... But progress comes one step at a time and I'm so much closer than I was before. That in itself is a miracle.

Geez...that was a lot longer than I thought it would be. And this is only part one! Crikey! :shock:

How to tell if your children are annoying:

If you have to constantly tell people your child is gifted to explain his/her behavior, your child is annoying.

If you realize that your friends all have other plans when your children are involved, it’s probably because your children are annoying.

If strangers in public discipline your children more than you do, it’s cuz they’re annoying.

If all your invitations say “adults only” but when you arrive other families have brought their kids, yours are annoying.

If your child can’t make it through one adult gathering without sighing and rolling his/her eyes and saying things like, “I’m bored,” “Can we go?” and “How long do we have to be here?” every five minutes, your child is really annoying.

If your child has little idiosyncracies that you force the rest of the people around him to coddle to, well, that child is annoying.

If your child never says please, thank you or excuse me…..annoying!

If your child feels free to call you disparaging names on a regular basis - that’s really annoying.

If your plans have to change all the time due to your child’s whims – he/she’s annoying.

What brings this on, you say? Well the experience is a composite of some of the lovely children I’ve met recently. One who calls his mother a bitch and makes her miss work to type his term papers for him. He says things like “I told you I didn’t like lasagne, you stupid bitch!” What the? Well, maybe that’s not so bad, because I’m sure I could have said that to my mom too. Once. They woulda found Hoffa before they found me, know what I mean?

Another who rolled the Benz his grandmother bought for him and isn’t remorseful because at least now he can get the car he wants. He expects granny to pony up for the new wheels, too. She probably will. Boy’s not even 18 yet. His parents pay for every little thing he wants, too. No delayed gratification for that kid! Plasma screen? Why yes, you do need one, don’t you Son? Oh, you don’t like what I made for dinner? Mom will make you something else, honey! Oh, and don’t get me started on the kids who can’t entertain themselves for 10 minutes. One friend I stopped calling because I just couldn’t take with her son in the background whining all the time: I’m hungry! How do you spell irritated? What’s for dinner? Can I have thirty dollars to go to the movies? Where are my blue socks? If she didn’t answer he would just start yelling at her

One little angel is so boy-crazy – 14 years old and walking around town with all her stuff hanging out like she’s working for a living. I guess the annoying factor with her stems from the fact that her mom thinks its all great because she wasn’t allowed to dress “cute” when she was in high school and she didn’t have senior boys asking her out. Uh, yeah, Mom? Those senior boys aren’t asking little precious out because she’s brought enlightenment to their souls, okay? They’re asking her out because she looks like an easy lay. And she’s always mad because other girls exclude her sometimes because she’s almost predatory – if you have an older brother, look out! She’s already the kind of girl who drops her girlfriends for a boy any time night or day.

Kind of the same thing with another kid – poor thing is afraid of everything! Elevators, bridges, old buildings, crowds, being alone, burnt food (I kid you not), trucks…the list goes on and on. So anyway, rather than get the kid in therapy, Mom insists that whenever he goes to do something with the other kids in school that it is something that doesn’t involve any of his fears. So whoever is carpooling the kid around has to be careful to avoid bridges and the like or spend time calming him down if they can’t be avoided. He’s a sweet kid, but the longer they let this go on the harder it’s going to be for him to adjust as an adult. And meanwhile, his classmates are transitioning to middle school and they won’t be as tolerant as they have been. As their worlds expand, his will only get smaller if he doesn’t get help.

The last group is lumped together and is, by far, the most annoying. The ones who just don’t know how to behave in company. By the time they hit their teens, children should know how to greet an adult, how to say please and thank you without being prompted, how to interrupt a conversation, how to eat at a table and the like. I’m not saying they should be seen and not heard – that’s positively archaic. What I am saying is these children are going to have to go out into the world and figure out how to live their lives. It’s easier if you don’t have to learn the very basics of human interaction as an adult.

So I guess what I’m saying is we need to make a more concerted effort to make sure our kids function well in the world. That they have relational skills and etiquette, otherwise they’ll just muddle on thinking the world owes them something and may not get the hang of living until it’s too late…..

yeah, here it is 2am and I'm awake. Not wide awake - sleepy enough to be in bed, but since I came home really tired and not feeling too well, I took a nice little nap. Woke up around 9 and have been awake since. Good golly!

Have you ever had so much to do that you just can't do any of it? What I've accomplished the last four days is nada.

Here's me painting my room..... :?

Here's me writing...... :?

Here's me paying my bills...... :?

Here's me housecleaning...... :?

Here's me returning my phone calls....... :?

Here's me writing my proposal for a class I want to teach..... :?

Here's me after playing The Sims for 3 hours :shock:

Sigh, it's the only thing I got done all weekend. My fake people are more active than I am...How pathetic is that?

You Are A Moschino Heart Bag You're a whimsical, romantic girl with a good dose of funky. You've are always in the middle of some adventure, planned or not. Style is something you mastered early on - and you're envied for it. When it comes to you, you're one of a kind ... with many imitators. What Kind of Handbag Are You? Take This Quiz :-) 06.06.04 (2:57 pm) Writing the Journey: I Believe   [edit] It's 2:35 and since I don't really have anything to say, I'm going to do this journal exercise from Writing the Journey This exercise is called I Believe and is meant to "take a snapshot of your beliefs that reflect your life experience at this point." Who is God? What is my relationship to God? How do I know this is true? [i](yeah, Abbie....always start with the easy bits first, eh?)[/i] here goes.... I believe that the God of the Old Testament, the God of the Israelites is the one true God; creator of the universe and all who inhabit it. I believe that God created human in His own image. I'm do not believe that creation took six literal days and that humankind is some 6,000 years old and the fossil remains are a little slight of hand trickery by God to keep us from knowing too much about creation. I merely believe that the 11 or so % of our brains that we do use, cannot grasp the creation of the universe, but in human terms. We tend to think we are smarter than we really are because we have discovered so many amazing things. Who is God? It may sound cliche, but God is love. He is the Great Romantic who pursues us with unending devotion and love. In the Book of Hosea, Hosea, a prophet of God, is commanded by God to marry Gomer who is basically a prostitute (what were they thinking on The Andy Griffith Show? :wink:). She constantly cheats on Hosea who has provided a home for her and cares for and and genuinely loves her. She runs off time and again, returning with other men's children. Yet Hosea continues to care for her, even though he's laughed at and considered less than a man. In ancient Israelite culture Gomer should have met with death for being unfaithful to her husband. But she didn't because Hosea loved her - really loved her. As for Gomer, I don't think she was deliberately being hurtful toward Hosea. Think about it, here she was this wild woman who liked to party and was deliberately living this life that could literally get her killed, yet she kept doing it. There she is passing the pipe and getting busy with the boys when God's very own prophet shows up saying he's going to marry her, that God commanded he do so. Now, if I were Gomer I'd be thinking Hosea was looking for a little Jimmy Swaggert action, if you know what I mean.... he just thinks we should be "married" first. Fine. I'd go along for kicks and giggles thinking there'd be some money at the end of the night. The marriage ceremony seems real....hmmm. Then he moves me into his home, says everything he has is now mine. Looks like a sweet set up, I'll take advantage while I can - never thinking he's at all serious. Then he starts expecting me to show up at his business events - I'm out and taking a few bits and bobs to compensate for my time. So there it is, a dysfunctional relationship because we refuse to accept all the grace and love and honor God wants to bestow on us. We expect Him to trick us, or make us adhere to a rigid set of rules and walk around all dour-faced talking about sin and the wages of all the time. Often we form our opinions of God from our negative reactions to humans. God is not human, God is perfect. Before you discount Him, learn about Him and what He wants to give you. We often get hung up about a good God sending people to Hell. It's not that simple. We send ourselves there, by not believing in Him. Why would we want to go to God's Heaven if we didn't believe in Him with our whole hearts? It would be like going to a party at the house of someone you couldn't stand. Unfortunately, in the eternity of things, there are only two events: The one in Heaven or the one in Hell - there is no abstention. I believe God is wild. He is the rollercoaster, the perfect lover, the bad boy and the angel all rolled into one. he constantly amazes me with how much he cares for the little details in my life. I don't live a perfect life by any stretch of the imagination, but I do live a joy-full one. I don't understand things like war or hatred or crime, but that doesn't diminish my belief in God. Heck, I don't understand how my computer works....doesn't stop me from using it. Well that's all for today. That's what I believe about God. There's a whole list of questions to go through on this topic, from what I believe about the role of books to my relationship with my body. Take a look at the site - it's really good. I'm thinking the next exercise I do will be "unsent letters" - gotta get those Daddy issues out once and for all! 06.05.04 (4:53 pm) Feels Like Sunday   [edit] I pretty much have slept the day away! I went garage saleing...saling? this morning at 7:30 and was back home by 10:30. Tried to take a 2 hour nap but couldn't fall asleep so I tried again and this time slept until 5 pm. Crikey! Haven't eaten a thing and I'm too tired to cook. Besides, I still have to clean and finish painting my room. Did I mention that I'm painting my room? It's a soft pink with a darker pink border. Very soothing and very girly. I wasn't sure I liked it so I've only done 2 walls and then I lived in it for a week. At certain times of the day it looks very calm but sometimes it just looks PINK. Anyway, I've have like a million phone calls during my Rip Van Winkle slumber, so I better catch up on those. Toodles, (people with pink bedrooms say things like that.) 06.05.04 (12:13 am) My Crochet Obsession   [edit] Here are the promised pictures. I've been working like mad to try to get inventory together to take around. I know I have to work on some more commercial pieces, but this is what happens when I try....Note the progression - I just finished the last hat last night! [line] [b]Blue Purse [i](the one that started it all!) [/i][/b] This is two strands of lightweight chenille, variegated. I was just playing with the yarn and made up a rectangle with the plan to take it out. It worked up quickly and I like the velvety touch of the "fabric" so I decided it could be a purse. The eyelash frizz is really thick and the handles have a base made of scrap acrylic yarn. [b]Boucle Purse[/b] [b]Boucle Purse detail[/b] It's hard to see the detail of this purse, I know, but it's a really stiff yarn and I worked it with a strand of mercerized cotton for strength and stiffness. I also used a really small hook - like an F, I think. It took a long time and I still have calluses on my fingers. I have a big pocket stitched to the inside and I'm planning to reinforce the handles with a frizzy eyelash yarn. I might also add the frizz to the edges as well. [b]The Wacky Hats[/b] I started doing the hats after seeing a website on freeform crochet. The first one can sit directly on your head like a ski cap and you can roll the brim up, or it can sit toward the back of your head like a snood. I can't explain the second hat. It's just what happened when I just let go. Both of these hats were worked from the bottom up, instead of beginning with the crown like normal. 06.01.04 (11:38 pm) Father Figure   [edit] I've been stewing on this a couple of weeks and it's not getting any better, so I better just give it a home and stop obsessing. So, one of my friends just recently found out her husband was cheating on her with one of his students (college) and she's getting a divorce. He blames her for the reason he cheated. Says she got fat and doesn't take care of herself. He's been having this affair for two years. Yes, she got fat....because she was carrying his child! She gave birth to his 10 pound little girl and he's out complaining to some vapid, delusional third year sophomore that his wife has "let herself go." Men like that make even the nice ones look like dogs. And what precedent does this set up for his little girl? Parents always think that the things they do don't really affect their children. Well, maybe not in ways you can see right off. Little Elena may grow up happy and healthy thinking everything is going to come up roses for the rest of her days. But what will happen when she's in a relationship? Will she become obsessed with pleasing her boyfriend, doing anything she can so he won't leave her like her father left her mother? Will her relationship with her mother be fractured when she enters her teens, believing her father left the family because of something her mother did? Look, men cheat because it's easier to be a cheater than it is to be a man. Being a man is hard work, and not all are up to the task. Whatever issues that led him to that point where he says yes instead of no are irrelevant. This is not 1650 - if you are unhappy in your relationship, it is easy to get a divorce. Right is right, wrong is wrong. Nut up and admit it. If you promised to love and honor someone till death do you part, pursuing another relationship outside that bond makes you a liar and a person not of your word; a person of questionable character. What makes me mad is she was doing all these things to try to make him happy and he would just kind of bag on her till she felt bad. He told her she looked raggedy, she changed her hair. He said she didn't know anything about sex (um...yeah, he was her one and only...anything she didn't know, she didn't learn from him...) so she talked to her girlfriends and he did like what she learned there. But, for all that it sounds like the classic Madonna/whore complex, he has to realize that she was making an effort and he was being dismissive. Well, he told her she should get a lawyer, that he was tired of dealing with her accusations (he says that he never had sex with this woman - that the hotel visits were meetings of the mind....). So she gets a lawyer and he calls her yelling and screaming that she's being a bitch, that she's just trying to take everything he owns. Can't win for losing, can she? Here's how I see the story being played out. My friend is gorgeous. A size 6 (yes, that's her fat self!) and smart and a go-getter, whatever that is.... Anyway, she is not going to be on the shelf for long, if you know what I mean. In fact, there are 2 guys at her job who have been interested and another from her old job who's already heard that she and her husband split up and is trying to make his move. Anyway, one of these days old Mike is going to wake up and see that Elena is going to see some other dude as her father rather than him. Or maybe my friend will get a job in another state and he will miss out on all the major events of her life. And let's not leave the other woman out of the mix. How little confidence can you have to want some other woman's leftover man? She knew he was married from the get go. In fact, she and my friend have met a few times. Why would you put yourself in the middle of a man, his wife and their baby? Do you really want to be with someone who is so disrespectful of their own family? For two years? Even if by some miracle he leaves the wife for you, that previous relationship is always going to be there if there are children involved. This girl has got to be in the negative on self-worth. I mean, maybe he's with her now, but he didn't leave his wife - she kicked him out the day she discovered his infidelity. Ouch! He didn't go to her until he had no where else to go? Get some pride, girlfriend! The bottom line is whatever you think children don't see or hear, they do. When you're involved in the little details of other people's lives you are more apt to overhear, piece together and come to a conclusion that fixes yourself as the catalyst. Children don't have the tools to realize that something is wrong with Mommy or Daddy - parents are the heroes of their story. Children will think that something is wrong with them. Be the Mom. Be the Dad. Think about how your actions could ultimately effect your children ~ is it worth the price? 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