It's my Friday. I don't have to work tomorrow. Aaaaahhh! That's sweet. I'm determined to make myself rest this weekend. No, really. My goal is to stay in my apartment until Sunday afternoon - I don't think I can do it - I'm already getting stir crazy.

Thing is I've been so tired lately. I mean exhausted. And then I go home and can't sleep for hours. It's frustrating. So I'm going to sleep as long as I can and hope that I feel rested come Sunday.

I've also decided not to see the Passion movie just yet. I think I need to avoid being overly emotional right now. Seeing as how I just burst into tears for no reason last Sunday and managed to cry most of the day. What's up with that?

My acid reflux came back too. It does when I'm stressed. I never really feel stressed. I think it would feel like being really, really tense all the time. I don't feel that way - just a little aggravated. Maybe that's the way my stress manifests itself.

I worked on a sidebar column last time I posted. It kind of sucks but I just wanted to do it and see how it turned out.

It was raining this morning and it took over an hour to get to work. I listened to the whole Lisa McClendon cd.

Maybe I'll have myself a girly weekend. A facial, polish my toes, fun with exfoliation.....hmmm, sounds good. I also thought of ideas for my next three columns. So, with the three I already had I'm good for the rest of the year! Wahoo!

I'm still trying to think of a book topic. How long will they wait for me to decide? Kaye's book is practically done. I'm jealous. I think I'll go over my projects at home and see what comes to mind. I've really got to get going on this thing.

My goal tomorrow is to submit two query letters. I figure I just have to bite the bullet and do it, and stop trying to be absolutely perfect. Perfection comes with practice and I have to start submitting and trust that I will become better with time. I have a drive for this - I just need to let go of my insecurities and do it.

Mondays sort of really do suck! I am so tired. I ended up staying up really late trying to get all my folders and things back on my computer. Apparently my file transfer organization method is [i]willy-nilly.[/i]

Had a great weekend though. I slept in on Friday then went to turn my column in. And get this - I may have an idea for the next one! Hopefully it means that next month I don't have to pull another all-nighter!

Saturday I taught my class and went to a Black History Month concert. Very nice. Sunday I went to church but played hooky from the sermon to spend time with some friends in the parking lot and other assorted places. Then I got home in time to watch Sex and the City.

Can't believe that Carrie ended up with Big. Typical stupid woman clap-trap. Wait long enough, honey and he'll change....if he really loves you. Bleah!

It occurs to me I've not given away any details to myself. Apologies - I tend to be a private exhibitionist and don't think about sharing the essence of myself as a primary idea.

Here goes - I'm an aspiring writer. I write for a magazine and for my church website. I love doing both. I am not, however, a financially solvent writer. I do get paid, but not enough to claim writing as my full-time job. That is yet a goal. I hope to do more with that this year.

I am a Black female. Age 40. I say Black and not African-American because I know people who were born in Africa who became citizens of this country and really feel as though they are more "African American" than I. Plus a couple of them are white. So I am more comfortable with the term Black.

I am an active Christian. I attend and serve my church regularly. I am a part of a regular women's Bible study that meets once I week. I've been doing that for four years now.

I am single. I sometimes have grave doubts about getting married. Most times I am all for it, but then I get a look at some unhappily married couple and it makes me want to run screaming. And although I don't think this is what marriage is about it just makes me stark screaming crazy when a perfectly competent woman rolls over and plays stupid now that she's married. Grown women with the responsibility of raising a child, balancing a checkbook, maintaining a household, keeping a job shouldn't have to ask permission to buy a blouse. You laugh, but I've seen it happen. Back in my retail career, more than one woman would hand me a business card with the title "VP" or "Manager" on it and ask me to hold a $40 sweater until they could ask their husbands if it was okay to buy it.

Now perhaps these women were just using that as an excuse to avoid telling me they weren't going to buy something after I spent a half hour with them, but really! I'd rather have a root canal than tell someone I have to get my husband's permission to do anything. Nut-up ladies, just say no!

Even my own mother has fallen into the trap. A single, financially secure woman for over thirty years is now hiding her purchases (made with her own money) from her new husband of 2 years. Is that crazy? Besides, doesn't she think he knows that whenever she goes out she buys something?

Oh, where was I? Oh yeah, about me. Uh, I'm a little crazy. Not crazy in the chemically dependent way, but just a little unpredictable. And spontaneous. I'm pretty much up for anything if it doesn't involve a lot of bugs, organ meats or heights.

I do believe that's enough for now.

Pretty funny - forgot I started this thing, then forgot which site it was on. Had to get a new hard drive and didn't think about saving my bookmarks. It was weird not having a computer for such a long time. I had brought it in to work and it took them a long while to get to it.

Tomorrow night I go to a singles dinner/dance with my friend's church. Day before Valentines - no pressure there.

I hate Valentine's Day - especially when other single people run around giving each other candy and crap. It's sort of like rubbing it in even more. "Hi - you're not with anyone? I'm not with anyone either. Have some chocolate."

It's not like I'm against relationships. I think I want one. We'll know for sure once I'm in one, I guess. But I just hate people trying to over-compensate for my singleness. Do I run around and tell pregnant women "ooh too bad you're too big to wear these jeans like I have on." Or "too bad you're married and you're busy getting skid marks out of a grown man's underwear to drop everything and head to the beach with me." But it's okay for people I barely know to "include" me in on the lover's holiday with that piteous "I'll be your Valentine" drivel.